Beach Fun
by PJ Bottomz
Summary: "Why is your skin so damn red?" "Do I seem like most blondes?" "You mean stupid?" "You want a matching bump?" "I mean smart?" "Better." "I SAID I'M NOT GAY!" "Er... great! Well, I'm going to stab myself in the forehead!" "You won't miss!" A beach story..


Well, this is quite an accomplishment. My first single-chapter story ever ranging sixteen pages on Word. This just blows me away.

* * *

"No! Noooo! Let me go! I refuse! Quit dragging me! I will kill you! Let go of me! I don't wanna be here! Noooooooo! I hate you! Go jump off a cliff! GRAAAH! Let me go! Let me go! I hate this place! I wanna die! Let go of me! I will kick you!"

"Would you shut up?" Sasuke snapped. "One, you're drawing attention. Two, you're too loud. Three, I don't care if you don't wanna be here. Kakashi is forcing – take note of that word – us to be here."

"So? I'll kill him too! Now quit dragging me!" Sakura snapped. She kicked at Sasuke with her free foot, and he moved to the side to avoid it.

"I'll accept that challenge, Sakura, when you actually get some talent." Kakashi said as he walked by.

"Oh yeah? BRING IT ON, MASK FACE!"

"Ooh, what a creative insult. I'll add that to my list of Things I Don't Care About."

"THAT'S A PRETTY BIG LIST, YA KNOW!"

"Yeah, I know. 4,935 things and counting."

"I WILL KILL YOU! COUNT ON IT!"

"I'll prep my face for the beating."

"I AIN'T HITTING YA THERE!"

"SAKURA!" Sasuke screamed. "SHUT UP!"

"… Fine…" Sakura got up and dusted herself off. "… I'm going to the food stand." She stormed off.

"Don't eat too much! You'll gain more weight!"

She came back and hit him over the head. "Shut up, Chicken Hair." She stormed off again.

"Ugh… Why did Kakashi force us to come here?" Sasuke asked Naruto, who arrived carrying… everything.

"He said it had something to do with relaxation and rest. Whatever those are." Naruto rolled his eyes. "I think this is a waste of time too." He threw the stuff on the ground in a pile. "Well now, time to organize this…"

Sasuke reached into the pile, expecting to pull out a bottle of sunblock, but instead pulled out Sakura's tampons.

"Er… Why did she bring these?"

"She's a girl. They use them for something…"

"… Right…"

"Hey guy." Came a lazy voice. When they turned, Shikamaru and Ino had arrived. "What's up?"

"Hey guys." Naruto greeted. "Kakashi forced us to come to the beach, so here we are!"

"…" Ino was looking at Sasuke. "So Sasuke, when did you start using those?"

"Using wh—" he looked at what he was holding. "AAH!" he threw them back to the pile. "Those are NOT mine! Sakura brought those!"

"Just cause she brought them doesn't mean she's the one using them." Ino replied with mock sympathy. Then, she and Shikamaru burst into laughing and walked off.

Sasuke's face was red with anger. "I HATE THIS PLACE!"

"Keep going." Naruto said while sorting through the pile. "You're sounding more and more like Sakura."

"Shut up and give me the sunblock." Naruto tossed him the bottle. "Thanks. Now, sort through that and tell me when you get my crap." He stormed off.

"Whatever…" Naruto pulled out his towel and unrolled it. "Ah, here it is. Now where should I…"

He trailed off when he saw her. The tall, blonde, stunning, drop-dead HOT girl walking directly in his direct direction!

"A-Ah! Er! Act cool!" he flung his towel and when it landed, he proceeded to jump and flop down to look awesome, but he tripped on a rock, fell, landed on his face, and got tangled in the towel, looking NOT cool.

The girl walked right by him, not even looking at him.

* * *

"Girl, maybe you should stop…" The vendor told Sakura. "I mean, you've eaten a lot of—"

"SHUT UP AND GET ME A DRINK!"

"Eek!" he reached over, hastily made her drink, and handed it to her, which she proceeded to sip. "… So, if I may ask, what brings a dame like you here?"

"Who still says dame?"

"… Nevermind."

"I'll tell ya why I'm here! Because my stupid 'parental guardian' forced me to come here with an annoying guy with hair that looks like a chicken's ass and an even more annoying guy who never shuts the hell up!"

"… That sucks."

"Thanks for your sympathy. Give me another chili dog."

* * *

Sasuke went down to the shore with all his stuff. He unrolled his towel, making sure to keep the end of it away from the water, sticking his umbrella in the ground and opening it up to cover his eyes, applying sunblock to any exposed areas on his body (shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, back, legs, ankles…), setting his locked cooler next to him, putting on his sunglasses, and lying down to catch some rays.

About an hour of listen to girls awe over his "majestic body", he felt the presence of a human hovering over his face. He rolled his eyes under his sunglasses and removed them. When he opened his eyes, he was staring into the brown eyes and black hair… of another guy.

"WAH!"

He shoved the guy away. "What the hell? Who are you? What are you doing over here? Why are you hovering over me? What is wrong with you?"

"Uh… hi?"

* * *

"Hmmm…" Naruto sat crossed-legged on his towel, pawing at his chin, thinking, all while staring at his possible future girlfriend/wife. "How will I impress a fox like her? Well, let's see, according to daily stereotypes… Blondes are stupid and only like guys with toned bodies and the utmost confidence. Well, I've got the toned body. Maybe I can pay some huge tough guy to let me beat him up! Then she'll be so impressed with me, she'll ask me out on a date and we'll have a beautiful life together!"

Naruto got up. "Ow… Man that sun it hot. It's burning my skin nicely… Oh well." He strutted past the girl confidently and went over to some tough looking guy and tapped him on the back.

The guy turned around and looked down at him. "What, shrimp?"

"Hi there. I'm Naruto. I'm trying to impress that hot girl over there, and I need your help. I need you to let me beat you up so she'll think I'm tough. I'll pay you. Whadaya say?"

… BAM!

* * *

"You're out of everything?"

"Well, I mean, you have been eating her for the past, oh what, HOUR! Of course we ran out of everything!" the guy snapped. "Go somewhere else!" He pulled down the shade with the closed sign on it.

"FINE! GO DIE!" Sakura screamed. She turned and stormed back to the pile of stuff near Naruto's towel. She grabbed all her junk and stormed down to the shore, sloppily put her stuff together, and sat down on her towel, growling.

"I hate this place. Why does Kakashi want to torture me? Does he hate me? Of course he does. Everyone hates me. Everyone wants my poor, already miserable life to be more miserable than it already freaking is. Just let me rot in my poor miserable hell I call a life, and let's see if it gets any more hellish than it already is."

"Hey there."

"What the hell do you wa—" she stopped when she saw the guy sitting next to her. Brown wavy hair pushed to the side. Deep blue eyes that glimmered like the sky (not the sea, since that thing is disgusting). A decent body. Possibly a strong swimmer. Her entire idea of a perfect guy.

"O-Oh hi there." Sakura greeted while blushing. "I'm Sakura."

"I'm Byran. You must be new here." He smiled a perfectly white smile. "You know, there aren't a lot of pink haired girls. You're different."

Sakura mentally cursed herself for her hair color choice. "Yeah, it-it's stupid. I don't even know why I chose it."

"I don't know, I think it's pretty cool."

"Oh isn't it? I just knew it would be a great color!"

"… Right. Well, I was headed up to the concession stand but they're out of everything. They said some girl ate all of their food."

"Wow, I bet she's a loser." No kidding.

"Yeah. So, what are you planning on doing while you're here?"

"I don't know, nothing really. Maybe swim. Try some volleyball. Dig in the sand with my finger until I have to go."

"Sounds like fun. Mind if I tag along?"

"You can come right along! It's more fun with two peop—" she stopped when she realized how perverted and dirty that sounded. "Yeah, you can tag along."

"Great."

* * *

"Okay, that's fine, I don't care if you are, but I'm not gay!" Sasuke retorted. "Please, leave me alone!"

"Are you sure?" the guy, who's name was Nick, asked. "That blonde girl and her boyfriend said that you were, and that you were single." He pointed over to Ino and Shikamaru who smirked mischievously.

"I hate them…" Sasuke muttered. "Look Nick, I wish you only the happiest of times, but they will not be with me! I am straight!"

"I don't know, your body language does suggest it."

"How?" he asked, crossing his arms femininely.

"…"

"… Okay! I get that can happen sometimes! But I am not gay."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

"Positively?"

"Yes."

"Completely?"

"I SAID I'M NOT GAY!"

"So, if I kiss you, you won't feel anything?"

"Nothing."

"So can I try?"

"NO!"

"Then you're lying."

"What?"

"If you're not going to defend it, you're obviously lying."

"That is not lying. The last thing I need is for Shikamaru and Ino to think I'm gay because I kissed you. Do you know the extent of that mocking?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure you do…"

* * *

"Okay, you obviously need a new approach." Ino sighed as she iced down the bump on Naruto's head. "Why did you think that a blonde girl just automatically wanted a strong, confident guy?"

"Because you do."

"Well am I like most blondes?"

"You mean stupid?"

"Do you want a matching bump?"

"I meant to say smart?"

"Better."

"Well Ino, you do seem like a blonde who wants tough guys."

"And I ended up with Shikamaru. See? Blondes can go for anyone."

"Thanks for that, Ino." Shikamaru called from the towel.

"You're welcome, baby." She turned back to Naruto. "Anyway, you won't get a girl to like you just by being tough. In fact, sometimes that doesn't work at all. You should just try to win her over with your smar… I mean, you should try to be yourse… You know what? Maybe we can work that tough and confident angle."

"Really? How?"

"I don't know, maybe you could start by working out." She looked at Naruto's shoulders. "Why is your skin so damn red?"

* * *

"Wow, the water looks gross, but it's so cold." Sakura sighed as she back-paddled through the water. "I suddenly don't hate the beach as much as I used to."

"Good." Byran smiled as he paddled along side her. "I'm determined to make sure you love the beach by the end of the day."

"Well, good job so far." Sakura laughed.

"Heh… You know, you're unusually funny. I don't think there are many girls like you. At least, not any of the girls I know."

"Well, I am unusual." Sakura joked. "Oh, wow, that sounded so much cooler in my head."

"Really? I thought it sounded better when you said it."

"Aww, that's sweet. Let's get out now. I'm freezing."

They swam over to the shore and sat back on Sakura's towel. She kept shivering, though. "Oh, I'm so cold."

"Oh, are you now?"

"Yes. If only some kindhearted, nice gentleman would give me his towel, or—"

"Oh, quit faking. Come here." He grabbed her and held her against him. She giggled.

* * *

"No."

"Lying."

"Am not."

"Then prove it."

"No."

"Lying."

"Am not."

"Then prove it."

"No."

"Lying."

"Okay, you know what? Fine! I'll prove it! Go stand in front of those trees and I'll be there in a minute!"

"Okay." Nick got up and ran over to the trees.

Sasuke put his face in the sand and yelled, "I HATE MY LIFE!" He then rose and went over to the trees. "Okay, here are the rules. ONE kiss. Nothing else. No rubbing. No grabbing. No biting. No nothing. Got that?"

"Got it."

"Okay…" Sasuke closed his eyes. 'Imagine a girl. Imagine a girl. Imagine a girl.' He leaned in as Nick did the same.

And then…

SNAP! "OWWWWWWW!" Sasuke screamed, jumped back and grabbed his throbbing, bleeding foot to find a crab attached to it. "OOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

Nick grabbed the crab, yanked it off (tearing some of Sasuke's flesh), and threw it into the ocean, where it swam away. Sasuke fell backwards into the sand. "That… sucked…"

Nick grabbed his hand and pulled him. But, as Sasuke pushed himself up, his foot caught on a seaweed leaf and he fell into Nick, knocking them both to the ground.

Kissing him as well.

* * *

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Naruto asked.

"Oh please, most insecure guys have muscle floaties." Ino rolled her eyes as she adjusted the armband. "My cousin does. Besides, this'll hide that awful red skin."

"Okay, well I'm not insecure! And I don't have red skin!" Naruto snapped.

"Well, most fighters and wrestlers wear these. They just paint them the color of their skin and they blend in just fine. Maybe we could do that for your red skin?"

"You can buy skin colored paint?"

"You can buy pee colored paint."

"Wow."

"Okay, there." Ino stepped back to admire her work. Naruto was now decked out in swimwear that made Naruto look ten times more ripped than he actually was. "You look great."

"Thanks. So, if she asks me to go swimming, what do I do?"

"Tell her you're allergic to water."

"Ino, is that even possible?"

"Of course. I knew plenty of people who were allergic to water. Unfortunately they weren't long relationships since they all died really quick."

With sarcasm, Naruto replied, "Wow, wonder why?"

"It's another of life's mysteries." She circled him. "You know, it almost blends naturally. You'll be perfect. Go get her, champ." Ino kicked him in the back to scoot him along, sending him wobbling down the slope. Unfortunately, he stumbled past the girl and was stopped by the back of the guy who hit him over the head before.

"Grrrrr…

BAM!

* * *

"DIE!" Sakura hit the volleyball into the ground on the opposite side of the net. Another point to win the game, not that it mattered with a 23 – 0 score.

"Oh my god!" Sakura cheered. "We won!" She ran over and gave Byran a hug. "You were awesome!"

"Thanks." He smiled. She let go of him. "I didn't think you liked volleyball."

"I don't! I loathe it!"

"Oh. Well, so do I!"

"Awesome! Another thing we have in common! You are the best boyf—I mean, I didn't say that, I meant to say, er, that didn't, I didn't, we weren't, uhhhh…"

"It's fine, all girls do that sometime." He smiled. "It's normal."

"Oh… Good… Thanks… What?" Sakura was suspicious that he knew that.

"Come on, let's go dig our fingers in the sand until we get bored, in your exact words I believe?"

"Okay." He put his arm around her and they walked off. "Although they weren't my exact words to begin with, I can change them."

"Hey!" the girl on the other team called to them. "You popped the ball with that last shot!"

* * *

"MMF! MMAGH!" Sasuke pushed himself up. "Oh my god!"

"… What?" Nick asked. He seemed puzzled that Sasuke pulled away. "What's wrong? Did another crab bite your foot?"

"No! We-we-we just kissed!"

"And?"

"Well, there's your proof! I'm not gay!"

"But I felt—"

"SHUT UP!" Sasuke clamped his hand over Nick's mouth. "I don't give a penny about what you felt! I'm not gay!"

"Mh, marn't mu?"

"What?" he removed his hand from Nick's mouth.

"Oh, aren't you?"

"I'm not gay."

"Uh huh, so I suppose that's a knife in your pocket?"

Sasuke's face turned a color of red worse than Naruto's third-degree sunburn.

* * *

Ino sighed as she iced the other bump on Naruto's head. "Well, with all these injuries, we could probably pull out the sympathy card… That red skin might help too…" she muttered.

"Ino, this sucks. Why can't I just go to her and be myself? Doesn't that work anymore?"

"Please, spare me. Do you know what happened to people who were themselves?"

"You and Shikamaru?"

"Shut up." She smacked his bump, causing him to whimper. "Anyway, if you want to, then go ahead. Who am I to stop you?"

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay." He got up and walked over to the girl, sitting beside her. "Hi."

She didn't acknowledge his presence. "So, I saw you… sitting here… and I think you're really cute, and I was wondering if you wanna go out to a movie or dinner or marry me, maybe?"

"…" the girl snickered a few times before bursting out in hilarious laughter. "God, you are such an IDIOT!"

"… Huh?"

The girl stood up and unzipped her back. Out of the fake girl skin was Kakashi! "Wow, what kind of stupid are you?"

"KAKASHI?"

"Yeah, I was planning on getting inside info on women so I know what to do with them once I get them, because honestly Make-Out Paradise doesn't give much advice for the males since it's about what girls do to them, but I figured, 'Hey, maybe I can trick Naruto.' And it worked! God, you are the biggest idiot in the world!" he laughed before walking off.

"…" Naruto slumped down into the towel and pouted. "Ino. Kill me."

"Naruto, relax."

"Kill me."

"Naruto."

"Kill me."

* * *

The sun was beginning to set, turning the sky beautiful colors, and making the trash-filled sea look golden. Sakura and Byran were lying on the towel, digging in the sand with one hand and holding each other's hands in the other. "You know…" Sakura turned her head to look at him. "This day was really fun. I enjoyed it. You're a nice person, you know that?"

"Thanks. You're one of the coolest girls I've ever met." He turned and looked into her eyes. "And you're also one of the cutest."

She blushed. "You're not too far away in that department."

"Thanks… You know, I came here today because I got dumped, and now I'm going to leave with the best girl I've ever met."

"YOU got dumped? That's impossible."

"No, it's not. Lots of girls have dumped me because I wasn't hot enough."

"Oh my god, quit lying!"

"I'm not."

"Byran, there is no way any girl could not love you! You're nice, you're fair, you're good looking, you're perfect! I've never met another guy like you, and I don't think I ever will."

"… Thanks Sakura." He smiled. Then, he closed his eyes, and the two leaned in, and became one.

* * *

"Well, you three looked like you had a… good time?"

Naruto, still red-faced from the incident and red shouldered from lack of sunblock, replied, "No, I did NOT have a good time! I got a sunburn that could kill Godzilla and you embarrassed me in front of everyone!"

"Nice. And Sasuke?"

Sasuke, who was breathing heavy and holding the side of his messy hair, replied, "Absolutely wonderful…"

"Good. And Sakura?"

Sakura, who was also holding messy hair and her ribs, replied, "Oh hell yeah! I am so glad we came here!"

"Good. Well, Sakura, Sasuke, I have some bad news. Your boyfriends are actors I hired."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, I was bored so I pranked you all. Byran and Nick are actually dating each other."

Sakura turned to Bryan. "You're gay?"

"Yep." He put his arm around Nick and kissed his cheek. "I felt pretty bad about doing that to you, Sakura. You really are a nice girl. The only reason we didn't go all the way is because I probably have an STD from unprotected sex." He said with eerie honesty.

"Er… great! Well, I think I'm going to go home and stab myself in the forehead." Sakura walked off.

"You won't miss!" Kakashi called after her.

A rock hit him in the side of the head.

"You know, this isn't fair!" Naruto growled. "I never even got some one!"

"Oh, that's too bad. Here." Nick leaned over and kissed him. "Feel better?"

"… No." Naruto walked off. "That was weird.

"… Just shoot me." Sasuke stormed off.

"Aah. I love the beach." Kakashi sighed.


End file.
